Dreams are worth the risk.

So a friend sent me a link to this song today. And it broke me. Completely undone. It was one of those moments where God shines this spotlight on where you have been and where He has brought you. And there is such a contrast that the sheer blessing of it overwhelms.

You guys a few years ago I choose a path that so many people discouraged me from. It was the hardest most brutal thing I have ever done. I couldn't see the outcome and the only thing I was sure of was that God was walking it with me. I had to take back ground that I had lost and ground that I had never had in the first place. It was a battle, but I found life.

One thing I know about life is that there are no guarantees. It can be beautiful in joy, terrifying in pain and every possible step in between. And there are times when the only thing to do is to let go. Of everything we thought and pictured and dreamed. And stand with our empty hands, breaking hearts and shattered lives; trusting that the God who creates beauty from ashes and joy from sorrow is at work to fill those empty places.

I also know that God gives dreams again. Some He will resurrect from the fire while some will be brand new, unexpected and almost scary in their possibilities. Let yourself dream. Don't hide them away because you know what it is like to lose them and you think the only way to really keep them is to push them deep down. Dreams are gifts. They are meant to be shared, encouraged, kept alive. I read somewhere once that "Bravery is daring to dream on the other side of great loss." When everything feels fragile and so very breakable. For me dreaming is the difference between simply surviving and truly living. I have done both and if I can convince you of one thing let it be that dreams are worth the risk. 

I will be stepping outside of my comfort zone later this week. To be honest, it scares me and I needed this reminder today. I needed to remember what God has done. His faithfulness to me in every circumstance I have ever faced. That He has placed me right here, right now, for a reason. To remember other scary steps I have taken and the grace and beauty He has poured out as a result. Maybe you need to look back and remember today as well. Or maybe you are in the middle of it all and you need to look forward and dream. Either way I am praying for you!

Keep Dreaming!

Don't look away

I have been trying to write this post for over a week now but the words just keep getting stuck. Stuck in the place with all of the emotions.

Sometimes it feels as though the entire world is mourning something. Like every direction you look you can see the outpouring of grief. It is almost tangible. You can see it around the world, in your country, across town and down the street. Broken dreams, devastation, loss, heartbreak, terror, the list seems unending. There are days all you see is the rough and jagged edges of life that splintered and broke in seemingly unimaginable ways. It might be your life, the life of a close friend or family member, or the life of a stranger splayed out across the internet for anyone to see. It is evident in blank looks, angry glares, passionate outbursts, shutting down, silent tears or desperate wails.

Those are the days that weigh down with their heaviness. The days of whispered prayers because you simply can't speak any louder. The days where you fight for the glimmer of hope. You put one foot in front of the other and push forward. Through the confusion and questions. Through the tears. On those days I am tempted to close my eyes. To take every distraction. To simply not see. There is too much that I cannot fix and it is overwhelming. But if we refuse to look at pain whether our own or someone else's, we disconnect when we need desperately to engage. To engage in community, in relationship, in prayer, in love.

I used to think that if my contribution wouldn't be enough to make a noticeable change then it wasn't worth anything, but I have since changed my mind. At the end of the day I would rather have done something, anything, than nothing at all. Sometimes that looks like a phone call, a text message or a hug. A donation to the people with boots on the ground to meet a physical need on the other side of the world. No matter what it always means prayer. To the God who sees all and knows all. Yesterday our pastor was talking about the time period just before Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead and he said something that I have heard before but just hit where I was right now. That Jesus saw their pain. He was moved by their grief. He joined them in their sorrow. I am comforted by the fact that we serve a God who seems to cradle us the gentlest when we are at our most broken. Who doesn't lack compassion but instead sees our pain. And although there are so many times I wish He would simply erase the pain it is a precious thing that He walks so closely beside us through it.

My former small group leaders, Sam and Grace, are walking through a valley right now, long and dark. The loss of a precious child. And they are sharing that valley. Not on the other side when life is patched together, but in real time where honesty is the only option. It is incredibly brave to bare your soul at your breaking point. When everything is a raw and gaping wound. To be real about your pain and to allow others to respond about theirs in the hopes that understanding and healing can spread between words and hearts and lives. You can read Grace's beautifully honest words here and please be praying for them.

As people who have a promise of hope and peace in the midst of great storms we need to see. Don't turn away. Don't close your eyes. Simply do what you can, where you are, with what God has given you. You might not always see a noticeable change in the situation, but it will always change your heart. Sometimes I think that is half the point.

Keep Dreaming!

Don't let the wolves in!

My world is quiet. It is the end of the day and the house is still.  And I find myself craving the busy. The noise. The distraction. It has been a long week (aka three weeks) and I don't want to look back. I don't want to dig deep and analyze my feelings. I don't want to ask myself what has been going on beneath the surface. Because I know what is going on. I am hiding. It is evident by the stack of dishes beside my sink, the to do list left untouched and the type of clothes I have been choosing to put on each day. I pull out items based on emotion. That favorite shirt that has warm and comforting memories attached to it, the insanely comfortable "travel pants" that I am wearing at this exact moment, the loose t-shirts that I can pull on as though I am pulling a shield over my very self.

There are times when you feel the accusations everywhere you look. When the guilt threatens to choke the very joy out of you. If you could only be more, do more, say more, finish that project, organize that room, keep everything clean, be a better parent/wife/friend/etc. And let me tell you all of the distractions in the world won't help one bit. Ignoring just makes the monster bigger. The only way to kill the monster is to face it.

So you open your mouth and the words spill out. Messy and painful and disappointed. And with each word the emotions lessen and you see the monster for what it is - the attempt of an enemy who has already been beaten to distract you, belittle you, derail you.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago. In my dream it was nighttime and I was in the living room of a house. I could sense that something was wrong or there was danger of some sort because I was checking the locks and looking out the windows. That is when I saw it bounding down the sidewalk towards the house, a massive wolf. Ferocious in the moonlight and the shadows. Without slowing it turned up the walk, bounded onto the porch and straight towards the front door. The only thought I had in my mind was this lock will never hold. And I was right. As I ran to brace the door with my hands it burst open and the wolf stood snarling mere feet away from me. I woke up with the words "Don't let the wolf in!" running through my head.

After the adrenaline faded (my dreams tend to be very vivid and lifelike), I of course started analyzing. My initial tendency is to take things literally so I immediately thought about guarding against a physical threat. But in hindsight I feel like this was spiritual. I also think that in focusing on the literal, I left the important things wide open and unprotected.

Every time that we let a negative thought run freely through our mind we are letting a wolf in. Every guilt trip (self-imposed or otherwise) that we give value to, every list of our shortcomings and past failures, every "I should have....", "if only I was...."  speech that we give ourselves, is a wolf. Ferocious, snarling and ready to tear us apart .

We have got to understand the importance of guarding our minds and our hearts!  We need to realize that there is a fight going on and we need to be vigilant about protecting our territory. Our homes, our relationships, our dreams and God given purpose. We need to be fighting for those things. They are worth every effort! We need to be in the word, in prayer and in community. Friends you and I can never fortify our "homes" enough. We can never guard every angle or protect every blind spot. Not alone anyway. We were never meant to do life alone. We need community. We need people to have our backs while we in turn have theirs.

So when you find yourself in the place of guilt and accusations, don't make the mistake of thinking you are alone. Find one of your people and let the words out. Listen to the truth that God speaks over you. Install deadbolts and solid steel doors on your "house" and fight for those things in life that are worth the battle! And if you happen to see someone else struggling in that place fight for them! Listen with grace to their words and be a truth speaker to remind them of how precious they are to God. I know I talk a lot about speaking truth, but it is hands down the best way to combat the lies. This past week in particular my husband and a dear friend spoke truth to me when I needed it and it breathed absolute life into me. Just as every lie is a wolf, every truth is a piece of armor. Build your armor and the armor of your people so thick that the wolves don't stand a chance.

Keep Dreaming!

Be Vulnerable. The End.

Ok folks....it has been about a month since I last posted on here. I feel like I spilled my heart and soul onto a page, hit publish, and then ran away like a scared little kid. It was surely too much, I was surely too much. Too much honesty, too much emotion, too raw, too messy....bottom line too vulnerable. That's the main issue right there. Vulnerable. It feels vulnerable to put words to your heart and soul when we are conditioned to guard and protect it. To keep it hidden and therefore "safe". But hidden is also where things can get smothered or forgotten or reasoned away.

You know what the funny thing was? Out of all of my posts that one got the most feedback. The one that scared me the most was the one that people seemed to connect with. What is it about seeing the raw in others that makes us want to respond? That gives permission for us to be vulnerable in return? What do you think would happen if we all took the time to do something vulnerable that scared us? Think about that a minute. Out of the million and one inspirational quotes we could insert here "Be the change you want to see in the world." is the only one that comes to mind at the moment so we are just going to roll with it! =) We don't get through life without hitting any rough patches. We know well the hard and the shattered places. In a world of broken and hurting people it is time for us as women to stand up bravely in our vulnerable spots and allow others to respond in the same. That is where God's grace will pour into every situation, where true healing can happen and where we get the incredible opportunity to link arms with our sisters and stand together! I am a firm believer that no one can truly thrive in this journey alone. We can survive, yes, but God has a whole different world in mind for us beyond simply surviving.  

Y'all God is doing things in my heart and life right now. Stirring longings for community and authenticity in relationships like never before and here's the deal - I know I am not alone in this. I have talked to women who are in this same boat. Women who love those real connections, who love encouraging other women, or who have no idea what that reality would feel like but still desperately long for it. So here is my challenge to you. Put yourself out there with me for a minute by commenting either here on this blog, on the facebook or instagram links, or in a private message. It can be one word or one hundred words, but answer one of these questions - What is one area where you feel vulnerable? What is one dream is God asking you to believe in? What is one step He is asking you to take in faith?

And stay tuned for pics and stories from our Montana trip, detours and all! ;)

Keep Dreaming!

Clay Dinosaurs

I sit on my yellow glider listening to the roaring noises drifting out through the windows. They are making dinosaurs out of colored clay at the table. They laugh at each others outrageous noises and silly dialogues. The giggles are purely contagious and time freezes and all I want is to keep this moment forever.

When does it change? At what moment do they "grow up" and loose this carefree, wide-eyed, innocence about life? It seems like an odd kind of countdown and I just want to press the time back and stop that moment from ever happening. I want them to dream every day of their life in the childlike perspective where everything is possible.

Garrett tells me what he is going to be when he grows up on an almost daily basis. So far he has covered everything from astronaut to firefighter to circus performer. Without a doubt in his mind that all he needs to do is simply choose and it will happen. I never want him to start stuffing those dreams down deep inside because they are "unrealistic", "unconventional" or "unlikely". Do I think he will end up rocketing to the moon? Not at all. That isn't the point. The point is that dreams will change over time, the important thing is to keep dreaming. Because when you stop dreaming it isn't only the wild and crazy dreams that you dismiss. The little, one-step-outside-your-box, what-would-people-think dreams usually get tossed out too.

And this emphasis on looking the part has started early with Shiloh. Even with as careful as I am to not define beauty as something you put on or dress up it seeps in. In the process of getting ready for church the other day Shiloh said to me "I have a dress on and now people will think I am beautiful. Can I wear a necklace to church it will make me look beautiful." And I cup her face and look her straight in the eyes and tell her that nothing is more beautiful than when she is simply Shiloh. And I want her to hear me that it doesn't matter what she wears or how she accessorizes, what makes her truly beautiful is her heart, her smile, the way that she laughs out loud when she finds something funny, how she dances to her own rhythm and is unconsciously humming all the time while she flits through the day in her own little world.

And I feel like I am raw emotion spilling everywhere and this season of life is so tender and special to me. I feel like I am on this journey of finding myself for the first time in my adult life and it is changing how I see God and how I feel God sees me and it is this beautiful, precious mess that I wouldn't trade for anything.

And I wish I could just sit in your life and hear your heart. Your successes and your failures. What makes you laugh and what makes you cry. Your story. This life you are bravely walking out every day even when it is hard and doesn't seem to make a difference. I want to cup your face look you straight in the eye and tell you that what makes you beautiful is you being unashamedly yourself. Thriving as the person that God created you to be. To tell you that it is time to start dreaming again. That your unique dreams have worth and value just like you do. To tell you not to give up.

Can we agree that life is just better with those kind of moments in them and then make it a priority to be that encourager for another woman in our circle? Guys, life can wear you down and it is so easy to get discouraged and just plain tired. We need to be speaking truth to our people just like we need our people to be speaking truth to us and we need to believe in dreams, both our own and our people's.

Keep Dreaming!

"All that matters is that we're going..."

"We're almost there, but nowhere near it. All that matters is that we're going." - Gilmore Girls

This is one of my favorite quotes (from one of the best shows ever!) and it perfectly describes how I feel in this season of life. It is an odd muddle of dreams, discovery, change, routine, planning and waiting.

Today marks two weeks on our Seven journey!!! I am going to be honest, I didn't struggle with cravings very much the first week and I was actually naive enough to think that would continue...yeah right! Lol. The half-yelled words: "I just want the biggest brownie in the world right now!!!!!" may have come out of my mouth this week.... I have also come to realize that I owe avocados a serious apology for the many times over the years that I called them names or thought horrible thoughts about them! What was I thinking?!?!

So far Seven is both exactly what I was expecting and nothing like I was expecting all at the same time. It is in that limbo between expectation and reality that I find the grace of God. The grace that pries into parts of my heart that I wasn't anticipating. The grace that steadies frayed emotions and ushers in the deep rooted peace that I am so in need of. The grace to see the imperfect progress. The grace to trust God when the plan is unclear.

I used to run from those in between moments. They seemed uncertain and unsteady when I wanted something firm to grab hold of. But I find that incredible things happen when I embrace those times. When I sit down, breathe deep and still my heart. When I see it as an invitation to draw close to the person of Christ instead of searching for that next step down the path. That is when heart work happens.

Because bottom line, it isn't really about specific foods, or clothes, or possessions. It is about our hearts. It is about intention and attitudes and whether or not we are willing to give God everything and hold nothing back. No secret place that He isn't allowed to mess with, no items that we refuse to hand over. And would our lives look different if we intentionally set aside time every day to come to Him, hands open and trust Him to give us what we need and strip us of what we don't? I know the automatic thought pattern would be "Yes of course I can trust Him. He is God. And I want Him to do what He wants with my life." But in reality it is a struggle. I come before Him yes, but with my hands clenched tightly around those things that in my limited view seem necessary. I need them. What would I do without them? I am scared to loosen my grip because that seems to be a sure way to loose those things that I hold dear. As though the moment I offer them to God they will be whisked away never to be seen again. I picture God looking at me the way I look at my children sometimes. As I see more of the picture than they do, the things that they choose to be concerned about tend to put a smile on my face. I shake my head thinking to myself If they only knew how minor this is in the grand scheme of their life. or Two weeks from now this won't even matter. I feel like He probably has those exact thoughts towards me, and yet He patiently waits for me to open my hands to Him.

So. Incredibly. Thankful.

Wherever you find yourself today, take a few moments to be still. To draw close to Christ. To offer yourself. To open hands that you might have clenched. To voice those dreams that seem to precious and fragile to even speak. To simply be.

Keep Dreaming!

Procrastination at it's finest...

Want to know something? I have been avoiding this. My computer has been staring me down for a week now telling me to just write it already! But I shoved it under the couch and dodged the bossy glares. (Yes at times I feel as though inanimate objects judge me...like the time a pile of dirty laundry was mocking me, mocking me I tell you!) =) Anyway, back on subject. I am not really sure what my reason for delay was. Jeremy and I started an adventure on July 1st. (Hang in there for the back story, we might get there eventually). I bought myself some time by deciding to wait and just "recap" week one, but alas here we are on July 7th and my procrastination window is at an end. To be honest I wasn't even sure I was going to blog about this, until I was chatting with a friend about said adventure and she exclaimed something along the lines of "You are going to blog about this, right?!?!"  

Sigh.....I think I mumbled something like "yeah, ummm maybe, I wasn't sure, uh probably..." Or something equally as eloquent. There is so much to be said about those conversations you have at exactly the right moment that push you to dig deeper. This was definitely one of those.  Jeremy and I have been talking/praying/dreaming for a while now about life. What we want it to look like, what direction we feel like God is taking us, how we want to structure our family, what our priorities were going to be, etc. From the big things, all the way down to the little things. There were some things we changed immediately, some that are in process and some we haven't even tackled yet. The bottom line was that we wanted something more. Different. Deeper. Real. To be incredibly honest here we wanted our lives to look like Christ in a way that they hadn't before. When we looked at our actions, thoughts, patterns - even (read: especially) our "religious" ones - through the lens of the person of Christ we saw a divide. They didn't match up as well as we thought they would.

And please hear my heart on this next part! We are both incredibly thankful to have been raised in church and it is such a blessing to have that foundation. But for the lack of better wording in can also really mess you up at times. There are instances where I see such a difference in the way that Christ treated people and how "the church" treats people that it makes my heart hurt. (And before you freak out, here are a few things I feel I should mention at this point. 1. I don't pretend to have any brilliant answers, nor am I looking to debate anything. I am simply being honest. 2. I used quotation marks around the church because I am well aware that the church is vast and diverse in practice and belief structure. I realize that I only have personal experience with a fraction of it and I hate to lump it all into one box like that.) What I do know is that people are hurting for every possible reason outside of our church walls and there are people hurting for those exact same reasons inside our buildings as well. If we cannot figure out a way to truly connect with people, to sit with the hurting and broken wherever we may find them, then we are missing the point. And that authentic connection rarely looks like we think it should. It isn't wrapped in orderly steps, or in a neat black and white box. It is messy, uncomfortable, raw, costly. And if we approach it with anything less than the absolute love of Christ we will strike out every time! Whew.....ok, taking a breath and dialing back the intensity a bit.

If you are still with me then congratulations! You are finally going to figure out what the heck I started this post about!!! ;)

Cue back story:

Around the beginning of June Jeremy started reading Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven: an experimental mutiny against excess" and was immediately intrigued by the premise. "Food, clothes, spending, media, possessions, waste, stress. Spend thirty days on each topic boiling it down to the number seven. Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing and spend money in seven places. Eliminate use of seven media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe 'seven sacred pauses.'" After only reading the introduction he turned to me and said that we needed to do this. I started reading it along with him and could not agree more. It is all about simplifying and stripping down life which we have been in the process of for a while now, but it takes it a step further. Not only recognizing the excess, but also how it affects or in many cases hinders God in our lives. Not just getting rid of stuff for the sake of minimalistic living, but to intentionally create room in our hearts and lives for God to move. 

"Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom."

  So we took the month of June to continue reading and start praying about this step. As a friend of ours said, this doesn't seem to be a book that you can read and then continue living the same life you were before. We both feel like this process is going to radically change our perspective and bring us to some "put up or shut up" moments. Those moments where you have to make a conscious choice to either stay as you are or say yes to God and go deeper. It wasn't something we wanted to take lightly or jump into unprepared.

We started our food month on July 1st, so we are officially one week in! Our food items to eat for the month are: eggs, leafy greens, sweet potatoes, chicken, avocados, apples and bread. Only water to drink and the "free items" are salt, pepper and olive oil in moderation. To give you some insight into how this week has been I will share some excerpts from our journal.

Day 1
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....yep that about sums it up. A few quick notes - I attempted dehydrating sweet potatoes...complete fail. Also, going 40 in a 25 mph zone is frowned upon by local law enforcement and might just cost you some $....sigh.

 Day 2
Four words: baked sweet potato chips. Amazing. The end.

Day 4
We went to Homes County today! Free food samples everywhere.....need I say more?

Day 5
Today was the day that everything "clicked". That it went from plan to connection. Probably not a coincidence that it was Sunday and it felt like the pastor's message was perfectly for us. God is doing something in our hearts and confirmation is such a wonderful thing!

Side note - I just said I was really hungry and came back into the room moments later to Jeremy cutting up an apple for me. He is kind of the best! I then had the marvelous idea to puree said apple to spread onto a piece of bread. It was a little on the watery side so Jeremy set about to strain it for me with a piece of cheesecloth.....fast forward to him needing a change of clothes and the table and floor needing a deep clean....you get the idea. lol He is still the best ever! =)
  
Stay tuned for further updates. It is bound to be an interesting ride. =)

Keep Dreaming!

Potato Salad and Jewelry!

Talk about an odd combination! =)

It is the time of year for cookouts, bonfires, and other such gatherings. You know what that means? Good food!! Burgers, brats, potato salad, baked beans, and of course...s'mores!!! In the side dish arena potato salad is king and I have been looking for a good recipe for a while. Something rustic and different. Well let me tell you this recipe is perfection!!! Honestly when I first saw it I wasn't sure if I would love it or hate it, but it turned out to be amazing! I adapted it from this recipe.

Potato Salad

• 2 pounds baby red potatoes, cut into 1 inch chunks
• 3/4 cup mayonnaise *
• 1 Tbsp. prepared mustard *
• 1 Tbsp. pickle juice *
• 1 garlic clove, crushed *
• 1 cup peas, steamed
• 1 cup corn, cooked, cut off the cob
• 8 slices bacon
• 1 bunch of green onions, chopped
• 1/2 cup bread and butter pickles, chopped
• salt and pepper

Cook the potatoes, corn on the cob and peas (all separately) and set aside to cool.
Mix the mayonnaise, mustard, pickle juice and garlic together and set aside.
Cook the bacon and green onions together until the bacon is crispy. Let cool and cut bacon into pieces. 
Cut the corn off of the cob and chop the pickles.
Toss the potatoes in the dressing while they are barely warm and set aside for 10 minutes.
Add the rest of the ingredients and salt and pepper to taste and mix gently to combine.

*These are the ingredients for the dressing. I went a smidge over these measurements the second time I made this because I wanted a little more dressing, but that is just my personal preference. =)

 If you have the self restraint to not eat it all immediately you can refrigerate it until it is chilled and your guests have arrived...or you could always hide it in the back of your fridge and run down the road for a tub of store bought to serve everyone else and save the good stuff for your midnight snack later...just saying, it's that good... ;)


Now for the sparkly part of this post!!! I won a giveaway from Emily Beachy at Everyday Beauty Co.!!!  If you are looking to add to your jewelry collection or purchase a little something for a friend, check out her etsy shop here! She makes beautiful and unique jewelry designs and I am compiling quite the wish list! ;)  Here is the necklace I received, and I had to include the packaging details which were simply sweet! I love when people take the time to make the finishing touches special!! I only wish my camera would have captured the sparkle factor better! =)

That's all for today!

Keep Dreaming!

Birthday Time!!!

We pause our regularly scheduled programing to bring you breaking news....today is this guy's birthday!!!!!!

He will probably give me his grumpy face later for writing this, but I have already decided that it is totally worth it.  I mean what is the point in having a blog if you can't write a mushy post about your spouse from time to time??? ;)

(FYI that was your warning, feel free to bail now if mushy isn't your thing!)

You see, Jeremy started making some crazy choices in his life almost two years ago. He made the choice to throw out some preconceived ideas about how his life was going to look. He made the choice to get involved in a messy and complicated situation. He made the choice to be unfazed by baggage and to walk down a healing journey through wounds he did not create. He made the choice to show up. Day in and day out. He made the choice to commit, not to one person, but to three and never once looked back. And here's why it's a big deal: He. Didn't. Have. To. At any point he could have stopped, changed his mind, said it was too much, walked away. But he didn't.

Instead he was all in and steady as a rock.

He traded a carefree lifestyle for an instant family. He traded evenings hanging out with friends for storybooks and bedtime prayers. He traded a flexible income to become the sole provider so that I could stay home with our kiddos.

He became daddy. Watching him love and father our kiddos is hands down the sweetest thing in the entire world to me. It blows my mind to look at our family and see the ways that God has seamlessly woven us together.

So this is to the man who blesses me beyond belief. The one who knows me better than I know myself. My best friend and all time favorite person to dream with. The daddy of our children. The person I will gladly let hog 75% of our bed in return for warming up my ice cold feet! ;) Happy Birthday Jeremy!!! I am looking forward to so many adventures with you!!! 

I love you!!!

Can you remember?

This has been running through my head for the past couple of days.

I am reading this book, A Million Little Ways, by Emily P. Freeman. About uncovering the art we were created to live. (Amazing book!!!!) She talks about first thoughts. Those raw, honest, knee jerk thoughts that we have to statements, questions and situations. She said something that really resonated with me: "Many of us have spent our entire lives editing out our first thoughts.  We do this for all kinds of reasons-to avoid critique, prevent failure,  please people, or simply because we can't see how they will logically fit into our lives." 

There was a period of my life when I believed a lot of lies. One of which was that my thoughts and feelings were invalid, irrelevant, unimportant. That I had nothing of value to contribute to projects or conversations, no advice to give. That I had no voice. So I would walk this internal line. Measuring every word before I said it. Weighing it to see how it would come across, whether it would make sense or not. Whether it would contribute anything of worth to the conversation. Avoiding anything that might make me sound foolish or silly or bring ridicule. And if it failed in any of those areas I would simply not say it. I would tuck it away with all of my other unspoken words.

She talked about how first thoughts have tremendous energy. They are the things that we actually see and feel before our rational and logical selves intervene. It is our true self. Honest, raw, imperfect. I had started bypassing that part of my thinking because raw and imperfect weren't allowed. They were too much of a risk. It left you open, vulnerable. Instead my immediate responses would be based on what I thought would be most well received. Over the past few years I have been working to change those patterns.  To get rid of the automatic responses and give myself space to identify what I really think and feel. Space to be honest, with myself and others. To find those places, my community where I can share my raw, imperfect self instead of hiding it away. And do you know what I have found? That in those open, vulnerable moments true relationship happens. Because when you take the step to be raw, messy and real, it gives someone else the freedom to do the same. To lower their guard and dare to be simply, honestly, themselves. To discover who they really are. To realize that they have value. That their thoughts and words have worth and influence. Then the lies start to crack. They don't hold the weight that they once did. They break off under the pressure of truth. And that is freedom.

So what lies do you need to crack?

Because just in case no one else is speaking this to you, let me tell you a few things. 

You are beautiful and you are brave. You have incredible worth. You are enough. Period. You are strong and you are tender. You will make mistakes and have great successes, remember that the former doesn't diminish the later. You have a voice. One that can shout victory from the mountaintops and whisper comfort in the valley. You have influence - people around you who need you. Your smile, your humor, your tears, your heart. You matter. The little, everyday, seemingly mundane things matter. You were created by a Father who delights in you - the real you, in all of your messy imperfections. You are chosen and dearly loved.

Remember that.

"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection." 

Keep Dreaming!

Thoughts

Is it just me or is there something so energizing about time with other women??? It's like you walk away with all of the good feelings in the world! I recently spent some time in a car with my family on our way home from vacation. It. Was. Wonderful. I'm not joking. My husband and I talked, dreamed and planned for hours!!! That was of course in between the millions of "Look mom!" "Look dad!" "Can I tell you a joke?" "Are we almost home?" "How long till we get home?"...... Hahaha. I was trying to figure out the difference, because although Jeremy is my very favorite person to talk to, there is a different dynamic that comes from spending time with other women.

I met with a small group of women for about two hours tonight and it was amazing! We talked, laughed and shared our hearts and thoughts about a few things. It made me think about my last post where I talked about how it is necessary to be seen and known by our community. I think that as women there is a part of us that thrives in those times where we can share, be heard and where value is placed on our words, our thoughts, our opinions. And not just heard in the sense that people can physically hear us, I think it goes deeper than that. We need to be understood. To be truly known. Because when you place importance on someone's words, thoughts, etc. you are saying that they are valuable. They have worth and meaning. And I think that is something that women crave. Value. Specifically from other women.

No matter how supportive our spouses, families, etc. might be there is a struggle to feel like enough. There are images all over the place exemplifying what we "should be" doing. Beautiful homes, updated kitchens, lean muscles, healthy meals, fashion trends, organization... That doesn't even touch the kid zone. Creative crafts, pinterest party themes, sports, dance classes, friends, chores, etc., etc., etc. The thing is no matter how much my husband understands me (freakishly well at times), he will never quite know how it feels to be a woman, and there is something so special about being cheered on by those in the same "role" as you. 

So here is to all women. In every season and walk of life. May you be seen, known, valued and cheered on by the women in your life. And may you do the same for them every chance you get. 

Keep Dreaming!

Vacation!

The past few days we have been on our first big family vacation! The kids have been loving the time with their cousin, aunts, uncles, grandpa and grandma. The adults haven't missed out on the fun either. It has been wonderful to catch up on each other's lives. And hearing stories from Jeremy's childhood never hurts. ;)

It is fascinating to see the different dynamics that individuals bring to their family. The way unique personalities shape a group. The whole is forever changed by the one. It is the perfect example of community. How we fit together in all of our differences. We need each other. It is interesting how things can tie us together. Laughing over a funny joke or story. Working together making dinner and cleaning up. There is a camaraderie that develops in shared experiences. In letting yourself be seen and known.

It is necessary you know, to be seen and known by your community. It can feel vulnerable and scary, but you need it. We all do. We work better as a team. We are better versions of ourselves and we help others to be the same. That vulnerability can bring about some of the biggest grace lessons you will ever find. I love reading in the Bible about the relationships that Jesus had with people. He was intentional about getting involved. Not just on the surface but in the middle of some very intense situations. He placed such worth and value on people and relationship. I have so much to learn from His example in that area. So thankful for His grace in the process!

So back to vacation! =) For our family it has been a much needed pause after a hectic month. Like a long exhale. Letting go. Resting. Giving yourself time to recharge. The uninterrupted time together has been perfection!!! So thankful for it!!!

Here are some pictures of our fun from today!

 

Keep Dreaming! 

Believe

"To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow." - Audrey Hepburn

It is to believe that new life can push it's way through the dry, broken, brown shell of what it used to be and transform into vibrant green shoots of hope. 

So here's to believing in tomorrow. To letting hope take root and grow deep in your heart. To trusting when it isn't easy and dreaming big when you don't see the reality of it. To truly living.

Because sometimes your greatest victory isn't on your worst battleground, but in the walking away and daring to live your life fully in the freedom that was won there. In knowing whose you are and making your stand each day in that knowing. 

It is raw, it is real and it is beautiful.

Keep Dreaming!

Honesty

Time for some gut level honesty... Am I the only woman who cringes at 

Proverbs 31??? Our pastor referenced it in his Mother's Day sermon and bless his heart I know he meant it to be encouraging, but there is nothing like hearing the qualities of the perfect woman to leave you feeling a bit lacking. I mean let's be real here. There was a time that I got up while it was still night, but I gladly kissed that goodbye right around daylight savings "spring forward" and haven't looked back since. And what about that bit on idleness? I am pretty sure the sink full of dirty dishes that I blatantly ignored the other day disqualifies me on that one, not to mention the dirt on my living room floor from a tipped over flowerpot that may have stayed there for twelve twenty-four(ish!) hours. Don't even get me started on the linen outfits. I am far from Maria VonTrap in many regards, not the least of which is never being inspired to start a clothing line with my drapes. While I may have a secret desire to someday spin my own yarn I am quite sure that my family is thankful that I shop for their clothes! It isn't just Proverbs either, there are many beautiful and encouraging passages in the Bible that occasionally read like guilty verdicts in a courtroom.

So what's a girl to do when she reads all of the lovely words, but can't see past the dirty dishes, the overflowing stack of mail or the fight she just had with the kids/husband??? For me it comes down to reminding myself of what God's heart is towards me. He is not standing over me with a to do list marking off everything I have accomplished and throwing his hands up in frustration and storming away when I miss one. He is cheering me on! Encouraging me at every turn and delighting in my steps forward, as big or small as they may be. So thankful for His incredible love for us!

What I try to focus on is imperfect progress. Recognizing that while I might not be at the end goal yet, I am on my way towards it. And that my friend is enough! Because if we spend all of our time berating ourselves for not hitting the bulls eye we will completely miss the fact that we might only be off by one inch. In some areas there was a time when we wouldn't even be on the board which means we are improving! Let's give ourselves a cheer for hitting the target and then move forward with joy as we continue to hone in on that center goal. 

While God certainly does convict us when we are out of line, He doesn't grind us down into the dirt or bash us over the head with thoughts of failure and worthlessness. If we are reading the Bible with a condemning and discouraging voice in our heads we have stopped listening to the right source. It is time to recognize the lies and replace them with His truth. I am so thankful for my husband and community of friends and family who continually and lovingly remind me of this when things get rough!

Keep Dreaming!

Tonight.

Tonight is one of those evenings that I wish I could bottle up and save for a rainy day. The sunset is casting beautiful shadows and everything is melting into that dusky haze. The birds are raising a wonderful commotion and I can hear a tractor working in a field nearby. Someone has a bonfire lit creating that incredible smokey scent that is pure springtime. I just want to soak it all in.

They say that you can't truly appreciate something until you have went without it for a time.  That up until then you can experience it without understanding the depth that it has, and after you have lost it and then gained it again you will never view it the same way. The very essence of this evening is that for me. Peaceful. Quiet. Still. That deep sense of roots grounding you. Solid. Secure. Safe. I lived too long without it and the past few years of rediscovery have been incredible.  These moments are gifts. Meant to be savored and thoroughly enjoyed. Where time stands still and you breathe it in and you let it sink into the deepest parts of your soul. It is where dreams come alive.

So thankful for God who is good even when life shatters. Who heals and restores and pours His perfect love out for imperfect people. Whatever life looks like right now I promise you that is the truth.

Keep Dreaming!

All things green!

Ever since the snow melted, I have been waiting, impatiently biding my time, until we could plant our garden. The ground thawed, the weather started getting nicer and then......rain. And a lot of it. The grass was turning wonderful shades of green, flowers were blooming, the trees were finally starting to bud and yet I was frustrated! I had been planing for months (yes actual months). I had mapped out our garden several times, making sure that we had space for everything. I had revised our list of veggies from the first draft: "plant all the things!" to something a bit more realistic, for example - food we actually eat, and there it sat waiting for both the ground to dry out and a free time slot in our schedule. The longer it took for those two requirements to coincide the more concerned I became. What if we were too late? What if all of our plans were ruined? What if we missed our chance?

And yes I understand that this is way more drama than is necessary for gardening, but I feel like I do this with other things as well. There is a goal, a plan, something good is going to happen, but wait! Roadblock, detour, something unexpected, timeline gets delayed. Maybe for a week, or a month, or even worse - indefinitely. That's when it starts. What if it never happens? What if we missed our chance? What if all our plans are ruined? What if we were wrong?  

What does it all boil down to? Trust. If I trust God, a delay in my timeline is no big deal. If I trust God, my plans can be ruined and life can still be wonderful. If I trust God, what I want could never happen and I can still live a life greater than I could ever dream. Because one thing I know is this: God's plans will be accomplished and more specifically, in His timing (which is usually not mine). He doesn't fit in the box of human thoughts and schedules. His plans don't have an expiration date. And when we are truly seeking Him we can be wrong and He will still work everything together for our good and for His glory. When I trust Him all of the "what ifs" become irrelevant.

I feel as though I have been learning this trust lesson my entire life and I don't think it will stop anytime soon. You know what I love about it? That God in all of His greatness and majesty, reaches down into my life to connect with me. He could get frustrated, angry. He could throw all of the times He has been faithful in my face and demand that I trust Him, but instead He responds with compassion and tenderness every single time. He waits patiently for me to open my hands and willingly relinquish what is important to me, as insignificant as it may be, and that speaks love to me.

And yes we were finally able to start planting our garden. On one of the most beautiful evenings this spring. God is so good.

 

Keep Dreaming!

Spring!

Ok y'all, it is officially spring! =) We celebrated Mother's Day early in our household. My amazing husband took our kiddos shopping while I enjoyed some rare alone time and they surprised me with some beautiful flowers!

Then he broke in our new charcoal grill by making us a fantastic lunch! It was perfect! On a side note, grilled corn on the cob should be included in every meal from here to the end of time. We are talking sweet, garlic buttery goodness topped with parmesan cheese and a sprinkle of salt. Oh. My. Word. If we had the necessary ingredients I would be tempted to fire up the grill right now for a midnight snack! =) But I digress. Back to Mother's Day!

Recognizing occasions like my birthday or Mother's day on the correct day used to be very important to me. They were days that I didn't have to prove my worth or fight for affirmation. I could simply look at the calendar and know that I was supposed to be celebrated. Whether it happened or not, on those days I knew that I had earned it. Now I couldn't care less. Celebrate Mother's day two weeks early? Sure why not! Going to be busy over my birthday? Ok, no problem! So what changed? Two words. Jeremy Chrystie. This man has completely and without a doubt ruined me forever and in the best possible way. Because now I know what it is like to be celebrated, encouraged, believed in and cherished not just because a calendar or society dictates a day that I should be, but because that is his heart towards me every day. He believes in me in a way that breathes life into parts of my soul that I never knew existed. It doesn't matter what happens on national holidays when every day he is speaking truth to me.

So what truth do you need to hear today? Do you need to hear that you are valuable? Precious? Loved? That you are enough? Do you need a reminder in all of your mess and chaos, that this isn't the end of your story? That God himself is breathing life into your very soul? That He has good plans for you?  For your children?

Or maybe the question is what truth do you need to speak to someone else today? Who in your life could use a cheerleader right now? Who could desperately use an encouraging word? Who needs to look into your eyes and find compassion and hope staring back at them?

It doesn't have to be intimidating. Don't over think it. The next time that friend comes to mind, send that text message, make a quick phone call. Reach out with a hug to that person standing in worship at church, unable to sing for the tears streaming down their face. Give a compassionate smile and a quick "I've been there, you're going to make it." to the mom struggling with the screaming toddler in the checkout line. You don't have to know every detail, have perfect theology, or rehearse every line to be effective. You just have to show love. That's it. Think about your darkest day. Did you need someone with all of the answers or did you simply need someone. A human connection. The knowledge that you weren't alone. That you were loved. Think about what you need and offer that to someone else - chances are they need it too. And chances are that if we get intentional about speaking truth to the people around us, they just might start speaking truth to their people as well, and this whole community thing will just keep going.

Keep Dreaming!

Cocoa Butter Lotion Bars

My latest project? Cocoa butter lotion bars! I don't know why I was so intimidated by the thought of making my own lotion. It is so simple and the smell of these lotion bars is amazing! It is the perfect combination of chocolate and citrus. I made a test batch last week and loved them, so I made another batch for a girl's night!

I found the original recipe here!

Ingredients:
( one batch makes approximately 4 cubes)

1/4 cup raw cocoa butter
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/4 cup beeswax
10-15 drops essential oil (optional)
Silicone ice cube tray

I used doterra's Citrus Bliss essential oil blend and it smells amazing! You could leave it plain or use a different essential oil. Keep in mind that the cocoa butter smell is pretty strong so make sure to pick an oil that pairs well with chocolate. =) I will probably try peppermint next time! 

And speaking of girl's night, it was perfect! I am a quality time girl so in general I don't care what I am doing as long as I am with people I love. =) I got together with some of my sisters (aka: a couple of my cousins and my wonderful sil)! We ate, chatted and worked on creative projects! Does it get any better than that?!

 These girls are part of my community. My people that I can call or text anytime I need back-up. They are strong, passionate, amazingly unique women and I am so blessed by them!

Isn't this the truth!! We are just better together, plain and simple. Wherever you are start building your community. It might mean putting yourself out there, being vulnerable and taking some risks. It won't always look like you think it will or even turn out how you anticipate, but I promise you it is worth it!

Keep Dreaming!

The Weight of Motherhood

I found this quote when I was putting together our wedding photo book (yay!!!) and it has been stuck in my head ever since. Sometimes it seems like in motherhood everything just runs together, the fluid motion of days and nights, school, play, meals, etc. combining into one crazy beautiful life. Then there are the moments where the actual weight of what you are doing settles on you. Not in an overwhelming or oppressive way, but in the way that you get to glimpse the measure or value of something amazing. There is an awe about what you get to be a part of and a renewing of your purpose.  

This quote is one of those moments for me. I got a lot of advice when I was pregnant with my little ones and even more after they were born. One piece of wisdom that I remember most and that has been relevant through every season of life was from my Aunt Hope who shared 2 Peter 1:3. "By his divine power the Lord has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of the one who called us by his own honor and glory."

Parenting definitely falls under those categories and that verse is a constant reminder that although I am not a perfect parent by any means, God has given me what I need for my individual children, each and every day. My job is not to worry, stress, or get caught up in feelings of failure or defeat, but to lean into Him and trust. I don't know about you but leaning and trusting do not come naturally to me. It isn't my first thought when life gets crazy and things don't go according to plan. Trust, like many other worthwhile things, has to be fought for. Sometimes it feels like you are walking steadily through that fight and other times it feels like it will take everything you have just to drag yourself to the other side. Trust is a choice. You have to plan to do it, it will not accidentally happen. It is a deliberate decision to yield your will, your control, knowing that no matter what you may see His plan is always better.

Sometimes I succeed and other times I fail completely. Thankful for His grace that covers us! So remember that today, whether your family looks like a hallmark commercial, a big hot mess or somewhere in between! You are doing good work. You are making a difference. You are the perfect person to parent your children and He has already given you everything you need. Lean on Him!

Keep Dreaming!

It's the little things...

So this happened a couple of days ago... =)

This was actually something that I was ridiculously excited about doing! I may or may not have called my husband (who grew up with this sort of thing) to make sure that the weather was right and to check hanging technique, because heaven forbid I make rookie washline mistakes. Lol! I may have gotten a little dramatic with it! =)

 Hanging clothes out to dry on a clothesline seemed like a mile marker in our journey towards simplifying life. I know it isn't really a huge deal but sometimes the little routine changes feel like they have the biggest impact. The entire process makes you slow down and be in the moment. The sunshine, birds chattering in the background, the munchkins running rampant through the field behind the house practically spilling over pure joy. Perfection.

They were tracking a bear by the way. Apparently the wild animal population around here contains larger animals than I was aware of. Haha. I love their imaginations!!!

I am sure some people thought we were crazy to move into a little (aka: tiny) rental in the country, and we had several people asking in amazement if we would all be able to fit. =) What they didn't realize is it was exactly what we were looking for. We like being together in a very literal sense so we weren't looking for more square footage to spread out in. Our entire wish list for our next place consisted of only three items. 

- We wanted to be out of town. 

-We wanted space for the kiddos to run. 

-We wanted to be able to put a garden in this summer.

This place fit all of those perfectly and from the first week that we moved the entire atmosphere of our house shifted. Everyone seemed more relaxed and peaceful and it felt like home in a way our previous apartment never had. I soon realized that the sun came up over the field directly in front our our house and I love getting up in the morning, opening all of the window blinds and watching the bright golden rays stream in. Despite my intense aversion to the early hours of the morning, sunrises are very special to me. They are a tangible reminder that the darkness will end and light will come. I never see a sunrise without thinking of God's faithfulness to me.

Knowing that God is faithful in general is wonderful. Seeing the specific ways that He is faithful to you personally, is invaluable.  No matter how life is going at this moment I promise you that God is faithful in a very personal, individual way! Take a minute to breathe and recognize that today!

~ Keep Dreaming!

Epic Words! ;)

I finally created a blog and now it is time for my FIRST post! Prepare to be amazed........*crickets chirping*...........yeah I've got nothing. Lol. Here's the thing. In my mind right now I have about 8 blog post ideas floating around. I know what I want to say and even the pictures that I will post with them. But none of them seem "first post" worthy. There is this pressure to start out solid. Like the beginning of something just has to be epic and monumental. Is that even realistic??? If we went back and looked at the "firsts" of a random group of things, people, places, etc. would we find brilliant, earth-shattering moments or one simple step? Or maybe simple steps actually are our earth-shattering moments.

So here I am taking a simple step. I feel like I am starting a new journey and at the same time already halfway down the road. I once saw a pinterest quote that said, "My entire life can be summed up in one sentence: It didn't go as planned, and that's ok.". Not only is that the absolute truth, I am ever so thankful for it. God's grace is an amazing thing and experiencing that in all of the twists and turns that my life has taken is truly beautiful. I have many goals for this blog (to be a creative outlet, to share day to day adventures and diy projects, etc.) but first and foremost I want this to be a real space. Raw, messy, imperfect and beautiful. A place of encouragement, hope and grace. Because THAT is what really matters. We don't actually need five more cupcake recipes (although let's be serious, dessert ministry should be a thing) or the latest ten step program to keep our homes more organized. What we need is connection. A sisterhood. Where we can cut each other some slack in the areas that don't really matter and instead focus on simply loving each other well.

Here's to community! To doing this life thing together because that is where we will all thrive.

Keep Dreaming!