Clay Dinosaurs

I sit on my yellow glider listening to the roaring noises drifting out through the windows. They are making dinosaurs out of colored clay at the table. They laugh at each others outrageous noises and silly dialogues. The giggles are purely contagious and time freezes and all I want is to keep this moment forever.

When does it change? At what moment do they "grow up" and loose this carefree, wide-eyed, innocence about life? It seems like an odd kind of countdown and I just want to press the time back and stop that moment from ever happening. I want them to dream every day of their life in the childlike perspective where everything is possible.

Garrett tells me what he is going to be when he grows up on an almost daily basis. So far he has covered everything from astronaut to firefighter to circus performer. Without a doubt in his mind that all he needs to do is simply choose and it will happen. I never want him to start stuffing those dreams down deep inside because they are "unrealistic", "unconventional" or "unlikely". Do I think he will end up rocketing to the moon? Not at all. That isn't the point. The point is that dreams will change over time, the important thing is to keep dreaming. Because when you stop dreaming it isn't only the wild and crazy dreams that you dismiss. The little, one-step-outside-your-box, what-would-people-think dreams usually get tossed out too.

And this emphasis on looking the part has started early with Shiloh. Even with as careful as I am to not define beauty as something you put on or dress up it seeps in. In the process of getting ready for church the other day Shiloh said to me "I have a dress on and now people will think I am beautiful. Can I wear a necklace to church it will make me look beautiful." And I cup her face and look her straight in the eyes and tell her that nothing is more beautiful than when she is simply Shiloh. And I want her to hear me that it doesn't matter what she wears or how she accessorizes, what makes her truly beautiful is her heart, her smile, the way that she laughs out loud when she finds something funny, how she dances to her own rhythm and is unconsciously humming all the time while she flits through the day in her own little world.

And I feel like I am raw emotion spilling everywhere and this season of life is so tender and special to me. I feel like I am on this journey of finding myself for the first time in my adult life and it is changing how I see God and how I feel God sees me and it is this beautiful, precious mess that I wouldn't trade for anything.

And I wish I could just sit in your life and hear your heart. Your successes and your failures. What makes you laugh and what makes you cry. Your story. This life you are bravely walking out every day even when it is hard and doesn't seem to make a difference. I want to cup your face look you straight in the eye and tell you that what makes you beautiful is you being unashamedly yourself. Thriving as the person that God created you to be. To tell you that it is time to start dreaming again. That your unique dreams have worth and value just like you do. To tell you not to give up.

Can we agree that life is just better with those kind of moments in them and then make it a priority to be that encourager for another woman in our circle? Guys, life can wear you down and it is so easy to get discouraged and just plain tired. We need to be speaking truth to our people just like we need our people to be speaking truth to us and we need to believe in dreams, both our own and our people's.

Keep Dreaming!

"All that matters is that we're going..."

"We're almost there, but nowhere near it. All that matters is that we're going." - Gilmore Girls

This is one of my favorite quotes (from one of the best shows ever!) and it perfectly describes how I feel in this season of life. It is an odd muddle of dreams, discovery, change, routine, planning and waiting.

Today marks two weeks on our Seven journey!!! I am going to be honest, I didn't struggle with cravings very much the first week and I was actually naive enough to think that would continue...yeah right! Lol. The half-yelled words: "I just want the biggest brownie in the world right now!!!!!" may have come out of my mouth this week.... I have also come to realize that I owe avocados a serious apology for the many times over the years that I called them names or thought horrible thoughts about them! What was I thinking?!?!

So far Seven is both exactly what I was expecting and nothing like I was expecting all at the same time. It is in that limbo between expectation and reality that I find the grace of God. The grace that pries into parts of my heart that I wasn't anticipating. The grace that steadies frayed emotions and ushers in the deep rooted peace that I am so in need of. The grace to see the imperfect progress. The grace to trust God when the plan is unclear.

I used to run from those in between moments. They seemed uncertain and unsteady when I wanted something firm to grab hold of. But I find that incredible things happen when I embrace those times. When I sit down, breathe deep and still my heart. When I see it as an invitation to draw close to the person of Christ instead of searching for that next step down the path. That is when heart work happens.

Because bottom line, it isn't really about specific foods, or clothes, or possessions. It is about our hearts. It is about intention and attitudes and whether or not we are willing to give God everything and hold nothing back. No secret place that He isn't allowed to mess with, no items that we refuse to hand over. And would our lives look different if we intentionally set aside time every day to come to Him, hands open and trust Him to give us what we need and strip us of what we don't? I know the automatic thought pattern would be "Yes of course I can trust Him. He is God. And I want Him to do what He wants with my life." But in reality it is a struggle. I come before Him yes, but with my hands clenched tightly around those things that in my limited view seem necessary. I need them. What would I do without them? I am scared to loosen my grip because that seems to be a sure way to loose those things that I hold dear. As though the moment I offer them to God they will be whisked away never to be seen again. I picture God looking at me the way I look at my children sometimes. As I see more of the picture than they do, the things that they choose to be concerned about tend to put a smile on my face. I shake my head thinking to myself If they only knew how minor this is in the grand scheme of their life. or Two weeks from now this won't even matter. I feel like He probably has those exact thoughts towards me, and yet He patiently waits for me to open my hands to Him.

So. Incredibly. Thankful.

Wherever you find yourself today, take a few moments to be still. To draw close to Christ. To offer yourself. To open hands that you might have clenched. To voice those dreams that seem to precious and fragile to even speak. To simply be.

Keep Dreaming!

Procrastination at it's finest...

Want to know something? I have been avoiding this. My computer has been staring me down for a week now telling me to just write it already! But I shoved it under the couch and dodged the bossy glares. (Yes at times I feel as though inanimate objects judge me...like the time a pile of dirty laundry was mocking me, mocking me I tell you!) =) Anyway, back on subject. I am not really sure what my reason for delay was. Jeremy and I started an adventure on July 1st. (Hang in there for the back story, we might get there eventually). I bought myself some time by deciding to wait and just "recap" week one, but alas here we are on July 7th and my procrastination window is at an end. To be honest I wasn't even sure I was going to blog about this, until I was chatting with a friend about said adventure and she exclaimed something along the lines of "You are going to blog about this, right?!?!"  

Sigh.....I think I mumbled something like "yeah, ummm maybe, I wasn't sure, uh probably..." Or something equally as eloquent. There is so much to be said about those conversations you have at exactly the right moment that push you to dig deeper. This was definitely one of those.  Jeremy and I have been talking/praying/dreaming for a while now about life. What we want it to look like, what direction we feel like God is taking us, how we want to structure our family, what our priorities were going to be, etc. From the big things, all the way down to the little things. There were some things we changed immediately, some that are in process and some we haven't even tackled yet. The bottom line was that we wanted something more. Different. Deeper. Real. To be incredibly honest here we wanted our lives to look like Christ in a way that they hadn't before. When we looked at our actions, thoughts, patterns - even (read: especially) our "religious" ones - through the lens of the person of Christ we saw a divide. They didn't match up as well as we thought they would.

And please hear my heart on this next part! We are both incredibly thankful to have been raised in church and it is such a blessing to have that foundation. But for the lack of better wording in can also really mess you up at times. There are instances where I see such a difference in the way that Christ treated people and how "the church" treats people that it makes my heart hurt. (And before you freak out, here are a few things I feel I should mention at this point. 1. I don't pretend to have any brilliant answers, nor am I looking to debate anything. I am simply being honest. 2. I used quotation marks around the church because I am well aware that the church is vast and diverse in practice and belief structure. I realize that I only have personal experience with a fraction of it and I hate to lump it all into one box like that.) What I do know is that people are hurting for every possible reason outside of our church walls and there are people hurting for those exact same reasons inside our buildings as well. If we cannot figure out a way to truly connect with people, to sit with the hurting and broken wherever we may find them, then we are missing the point. And that authentic connection rarely looks like we think it should. It isn't wrapped in orderly steps, or in a neat black and white box. It is messy, uncomfortable, raw, costly. And if we approach it with anything less than the absolute love of Christ we will strike out every time! Whew.....ok, taking a breath and dialing back the intensity a bit.

If you are still with me then congratulations! You are finally going to figure out what the heck I started this post about!!! ;)

Cue back story:

Around the beginning of June Jeremy started reading Jen Hatmaker's book "Seven: an experimental mutiny against excess" and was immediately intrigued by the premise. "Food, clothes, spending, media, possessions, waste, stress. Spend thirty days on each topic boiling it down to the number seven. Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing and spend money in seven places. Eliminate use of seven media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe 'seven sacred pauses.'" After only reading the introduction he turned to me and said that we needed to do this. I started reading it along with him and could not agree more. It is all about simplifying and stripping down life which we have been in the process of for a while now, but it takes it a step further. Not only recognizing the excess, but also how it affects or in many cases hinders God in our lives. Not just getting rid of stuff for the sake of minimalistic living, but to intentionally create room in our hearts and lives for God to move. 

"Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom."

  So we took the month of June to continue reading and start praying about this step. As a friend of ours said, this doesn't seem to be a book that you can read and then continue living the same life you were before. We both feel like this process is going to radically change our perspective and bring us to some "put up or shut up" moments. Those moments where you have to make a conscious choice to either stay as you are or say yes to God and go deeper. It wasn't something we wanted to take lightly or jump into unprepared.

We started our food month on July 1st, so we are officially one week in! Our food items to eat for the month are: eggs, leafy greens, sweet potatoes, chicken, avocados, apples and bread. Only water to drink and the "free items" are salt, pepper and olive oil in moderation. To give you some insight into how this week has been I will share some excerpts from our journal.

Day 1
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....yep that about sums it up. A few quick notes - I attempted dehydrating sweet potatoes...complete fail. Also, going 40 in a 25 mph zone is frowned upon by local law enforcement and might just cost you some $....sigh.

 Day 2
Four words: baked sweet potato chips. Amazing. The end.

Day 4
We went to Homes County today! Free food samples everywhere.....need I say more?

Day 5
Today was the day that everything "clicked". That it went from plan to connection. Probably not a coincidence that it was Sunday and it felt like the pastor's message was perfectly for us. God is doing something in our hearts and confirmation is such a wonderful thing!

Side note - I just said I was really hungry and came back into the room moments later to Jeremy cutting up an apple for me. He is kind of the best! I then had the marvelous idea to puree said apple to spread onto a piece of bread. It was a little on the watery side so Jeremy set about to strain it for me with a piece of cheesecloth.....fast forward to him needing a change of clothes and the table and floor needing a deep clean....you get the idea. lol He is still the best ever! =)
  
Stay tuned for further updates. It is bound to be an interesting ride. =)

Keep Dreaming!