Love

We lit our love candle tonight. A day late due to sick kiddos. We sat around the table after a day of frustration and fighting. A day where everything that could have went wrong seemed to do so. It has been a long week not lacking in disappointments. Why is it when we need love the most it is sometimes the last thing we reach for?

So we sit in the candlelight and read the words. His promises of love and rescue. Words we have memorized. Promises we have clung to when life has broken wide open.

They sink in and I breathe deep for the first time all day. Sometimes we just need the truth of God's love to wrap around our hurting, messy days. To hold us fast and remind us that we are not alone.

So thankful tomorrow is a new day.

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness."
- Lamentations 3:21-23

Hope

Over the past few years I have looked forward to Advent with increasing longing. A time to be still. To slow down and savor life. To remember what God has done and look forward to what He is continuing to do.

So tonight I swept the crumbs off the table. I turned off all of the lights save the Christmas tree and we gathered around. We lit the hope candle and Jeremy read verses from Grandpa Miller's bible. The older two listened intently their faces flickering in the candlelight while Ella alternated between grabbing at the candlesticks and climbing up and down being generally unhelpful. It was beautifully and imperfectly sacred.  

There is something about liturgy that gets to me. The aspects of worship that have been repeated for centuries. Heritage. Generation after generation joining in faith and awe of a God who reached down in a person long ago and continues to reach down today into our very lives.

"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Romans 15:13

  Hope. Not dependent on who we are or what our circumstances may be but on the unchangeable God. Hope that is secure and steadfast. Hope based on the promises of a God who cannot lie. Hope that cradles you in your worst moments, and gives you confidence in your best. 

Praying that wherever you are tonight you would feel His hope surrounding you. 

The Beauty In Our Scars

Which would you rather? Option A. Watch someone build something awesome from scratch. or Option B. Watch someone take something awful or out of place and transform it into a thing of beauty. There seem to be countless tv shows with this concept. Taking run down homes and redesigning them. Making a cohesive and hopefully delicious meal out of food ingredients that don't belong together. Digging through other people's "junk" to find hidden gems that are worth more than most people would realize. We love shows like this and items that remind us of this concept. Those dings and dents on your antique store find give it "character". Scuffs and scrapes don't matter, they might even make a piece more appealing. We even distress things on purpose! (No judgement here! I have done it before and will certainly do so again!) Furniture, picture frames, you name it we can chalk paint it and sand it in a perfectly imperfect pattern. We want reclaimed wood for our home decor projects. The more weather worn it looks the better. Broken things become better than new. Things that have been discarded and forgotten are rejoiced over as we delight in seeing what new purpose we can give them.

Why is it then that we want our lives to be pristine? Flawless? We don't want dents or scratches. We want that perfectly polished look. When it comes to our lives, the ups and downs mar our smooth surface. They leave us with bumps and bruises. We are damaged along the way. When did that become such a bad thing? A sign of weakness. It should be a sign of strength. A sign that we were knocked down, but we got up and kept moving forward. A sign that we love deeply and grieve deeply. These are things of beauty, not liabilities. Scars tend to be thought of as ugly reminders of pain. Could we look at them and see character instead? Could we see God delighting in our forgotten and discarded mess of broken hearts and broken lives as He gives us new purpose? 

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

Sometimes you find yourself in a wilderness. You might have wandered off, or maybe God led you there. Sometimes God will lead you out again, but other times you stay in the wilderness and watch Him transform it. 

I might be biased but I think when God takes the shattered pieces of our lives and works a masterpiece it ends up being one million times more beautiful than it could have ever hoped to be in its original form. Then our scars serve to remind us of His unwavering grace, faithfulness and hope. And for that reason I hope they never completely fade. 💗

King James and the English Countryside...

The fear of the Lord tendeth to life:

and he that hath it shall

abide satisfied...

Proverbs 19:23 KJV

This verse has been running circles around my brain the past few weeks. I am not normally a King James girl but I read this verse and the wording stopped me in my tracks."Tendeth to life." "Abide satisfied." It brings to mind tranquility, peace, contentment, purpose (and for some reason a quaint picture of the English countryside.....anyone else, or is that just me? 😂) Something about it sounds so effortless, and yet incredibly intentional. Not to mention appealing! But is it even attainable? Somehow life with three littles doesn't bring thoughts of tranquility to mind. Noisy and chaotic? Now that sounds more familiar. 😏

*Side note, I love digging into word meanings. It helps me to internalize scripture and remember what I have read. Now that you have been warned here is some of what I came up with.

The Hebrew word used for fear in this verse is Yir'ah. In the context of fearing the Lord it's definition is respect, reverence, piety. Honestly I had to look up that last one to find its specific meaning. I had a vague picture in my mind of some super religious, showy, ritualistic way of acting, but according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary piety simply means "devotion to God". 

Tendeth:
1. to watch; to guard; to accompany as an assistant or protector
2. to hold and take care of
3. to be attentive to

Abide:
1. remain

2. continue

3. to dwell

Satisfied:

1. sated

    a. to end (something, such as hunger or curiosity) by providing everything that is required or wanted

Then I like to paraphrase the verse using some of the definitions that I have found. I realize that this isn't necessarily sound theologically (not to mention grammatically), but I find it extremely helpful on a personal level.

Respect, reverence and devotion to God watches over, guards and protects life:
and he that has respect, reverence and devotion to God shall remain, continue and dwell with everything that is required or wanted...

That is just good stuff. It makes me want to curl up in a cozy blanket and take a nap! Sometimes I feel like my daily "to do" list is a mile long. Occasionally, if I am not careful, that will creep over into my relationship with God and I could get stressed out just thinking about all of the things I need to make sure I am doing, or the things I need to stop doing! More fruit of the Spirit, less selfish desires! Focus on raising littles, don't forget about evangelism! Oy vey! Sometimes you just need a verse like this to remind you that the only thing you need on your "to do" list is respect, reverence and devotion to God. If this is your focus, you don't even need a list, it will all naturally flow out of this and this alone. I love that when I am stressed out, tired, and just at the end of me, God always reminds me that I am trying to take responsibility for things that aren't mine to figure out. I don't need to make a million lists, I don't need to come up with that one perfect plan that checks off all of the boxes. I just need to pull myself close to the feet of Christ and let Him handle the rest.

So that is where I am camping out right now and I plan to enjoy it! And you know what? Despite all of the noise it feels pretty darn tranquil! 😉

What are we teaching our children?

I am not talking about the blatant messages, more the subtle undertones. We are all sensitive to certain things. Our values and priorities are shaped by our life and experiences. As parents there are just those things that are important to us that we hope our children really get. It might be kindness, honesty, being faithful in the little things, boldness, or compassion. The list could go on indefinitely.

Where am I going with this? I am glad you asked! The story of Ruth. I know, it seems like a random leap, but stick with me and it will hopefully make sense by the end.

Ruth is one of my all time favorite parts of the Bible. It is such a beautiful story of loss, faithfulness, devotion, provision, redemption, and God's incredible story woven through all of it. So short version here...Naomi, her husband, and their two sons leave Judah due to a famine. They settle in Moab, and then her husband dies. Her sons get married, they live there for about 10 years and then tragedy strikes again, both of her sons die and she is alone in this foreign land. She hears that the famine is over and decides to return to her homeland so she tells her daughter-in-laws to go back to their families. Orpah follows her instruction, but Ruth refuses. She clings to her and vows her life to Naomi and to Naomi's God. I am guessing Ruth may have been a little stubborn because Naomi knew better than to try any further convincing and they journey back to Bethlehem together. Here we have two widows. Life has not been easy, they have faced struggle, disappointment and heartbreak. Naomi even goes so far as to change her name to represent her current state in life. Mara, which means bitter. She says that she left full, but she has come back empty. How many times in life have you felt empty? No strength, no willpower, no hope, no optimism, nothing to offer anyone. Empty. And you don't want to smile and say everything is fine. You want to yell in despair, "Can't you see?! I. Have. Nothing. Left." Thankfully with God that is never the end of the story.

Ruth goes out to work in the fields. It is harvest time and she follows along behind the workers gathering up anything that might have been missed. She is a foreigner. She has no one to watch over her or protect her. She is vulnerable. Enter Boaz. He sees her, asks his workers who she is. Learns how faithful she has been to Naomi and not only tells her to stay in his fields, but tells his men to keep her safe and make sure to leave extra behind for her. He gives protection, provision and overwhelming compassion to a woman he could have overlooked as an outsider. As soon as Naomi hears about this she jumps at the chance to play matchmaker and comes up with a plan. It basically boiled down to this: sneak into the place where Boaz and his workers were sleeping and curl up by Boaz's feet, wait for him to wake up and realize she was there and then do what he says. To Ruth's credit she follows the plan. I think I might have balked just a little. Can you imagine??? It's not like they had nightlights, what if she tripped over someone and woke everyone up? Or what if she laid down at the wrong person's feet? That could get awkward pretty fast. She was basically asking him to marry her. Talk about putting yourself out there! Thankfully God was writing the story so none of my what if's are relevant. I am simplifying a bit, but she finds the right guy, he accepts her proposal, they end up getting married and Ruth finds herself right in the middle of the lineage of Christ! Seriously?!?! It blows me away every time! This woman, a foreigner, widowed, vulnerable, trusted in a God she wasn't raised to know and He changed her story.

So yay, that's awesome, right?! But what does it have to do with teaching our children? Here is what gets me so excited. God weaves lives together to bring about His purposes and He sets things in motion sometimes years in advance which is easy for Him since He sees the big picture. Y'all probably already know this but I realized it about 10ish years ago and it blew me away. Do you know who Boaz's mother was? Rahab. As in the harlot who hid the spies in Jericho. Who was saved when the walls came down because she believed in the truth of a God she wasn't raised to know. A foreigner, with a shady past. Vulnerable. Sound familiar? Now this is just my speculation here, but I can't help but think that being raised by a father who extended compassion and protection to someone he could have overlooked because of her race and her past and by a mother who had such an intimate knowledge of how God can bring together all the pieces that should never fit and make something beautiful, shaped Boaz as he grew to become the man that God could use in this story.

Our stories are important because they are connected to God's story, and when we give our stories to Him He makes something wonderful. He has put our children with us. Those unique family pairings have the ability to bring Him glory. Our children need us. They need us to show them our stories and most importantly to show them God's story that is woven in the strands of ours. They need to see His fingerprints all over our lives, so they will recognize them all over their lives. So just in case you are wondering today...Never doubt your influence. You are not lacking. You are exactly what your children need. God has given you everything you need for life and that includes parenting.

Keep Dreaming!

Thoughts on divorce...

Y'all I have written and rewritten this post so many times I am loosing track. Divorce is such a touchy subject, especially in the church, and even with firsthand experience it can be hard to know how to talk about it. I will start by sharing this link to a post by Gary Thomas. Coming from a background of emotional and verbal abuse, this is the first blog post I have read on the subject that I completely agree with. I highly encourage you to read it. In my opinion it is well worth your time. As a teaser I will share one of my favorite quotes. 😊


“If the cost of saving a marriage is destroying a woman, the cost is too high. God loves people more than he loves institutions.”
 
One thing that my past has taught me is to give grace. You can never judge a situation from the outside. (Last I checked "judge" wasn't in our job description anyway, but I digress.) You don't always know what goes on behind closed doors. That was 100% true in my case. My ex husband was on staff at our church. He thrived on saying and doing things that would make everyone think he had it all together. For the most part we looked like the ideal family and he seemed like the perfect husband and father. My friends would say things like "I wish my husband was more like him." And I would cringe inwardly, thinking they had no idea what he was like at home. Image was everything to him, but you can never keep up an act 24/7 and home was where all the pretenses fell away. He couldn't seem to face his own issues so instead he focused on the failures of others. Namely mine. Anything I did wrong or any weakness I had would reflect badly on him and was therefore unacceptable. What if someone happened to stop by and see our messy house? It would reflect badly on him. Why couldn't I keep the car spotless? If someone looked in it and saw trash they would think we didn't have our lives in order. And when the possible threat to his reputation didn't seem to do the trick he would switch to using love or affection as motivation. "If you just kept the house cleaner, I would love you more." "If you would just do what I want then I would treat you better." Looking back the things he would say to me were so obviously wrong, but when you are years into a controlling and abusive relationship it is hard to see the lies. It wasn't until after he was arrested and I went an entire month without talking to him, without his voice in my head manipulating every word and situation, that I was able to say for the first time "That was wrong. That wasn't love. That was unhealthy."

Let me tell you something. When someone measures your worth based on a clean house or withholds love or affection based on your performance in some area there is something seriously wrong. The moment you make love conditional is the moment that it ceases to be love and instead becomes something ugly and twisted.

I want to be clear, I am not "pro divorce" and at the same time I am not "pro staying together at all costs". With relationships there is no such thing as one solution fits all. I have seen marriages reconciled after infidelity and I have seen them torn apart by infidelity. That is not to say one of those responses is right and the other wrong. There are a million variables that go into each situation and blanket statements will just never fit. A quote that I feel sums it up well is "Every divorce is the result of sin, but not every divorce is sinful."

One thing I do know is that divorce is devastating. Even if it is the right decision. When I think of a myriad of devastating circumstances (death of a loved one, natural disaster, illness) I see the church rallying with incredible compassion and care. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why divorce evokes such a different response.

I think that in general we feel the need to make sure it doesn't look like we are encouraging divorce. Which is why there seems to be a knee jerk reaction to push for reconciliation even without knowing all of the details. Then if divorce is on the horizon we feel like we have to clarify that we don't agree with the decision people are making. "I love you but...you are wrong, this is a mistake, etc."

When I look at Jesus' life and interactions with  people it seems in direct contrast those knee jerk reactions. He never once said to the crowds "I am going to go to Zacheus' house but don't worry I don't agree with his profession." Or "Dear woman at the well, I am going to help you, but first I need you to know that I don't agree with your lifestyle!"  He didn't care what people thought, he just showed up and met needs. He was the epitome of compassion and love.

Jim and Belinda were my small group leaders at the time of my divorce and they gave me the greatest gift. They never once said they thought I was doing the right thing and they never said they thought I was wrong. I didn't take their silence on that topic to mean they agreed or disagreed with my choices. To be honest I didn't care. I didn't need either. What I needed was love and they supplied that without question. They made sure I knew that they hated that I was hurting, that they loved me and were praying for me, and during the times when my ex was becoming more and more unstable they made sure I knew that their home was open if my children and I ever needed a safe place. I will be forever grateful for the ways that they showed up in the darkest season of my life and I will never be able to put into words how much their compassion meant.

This is one of those areas where everything seems to blur. I am not saying truth is relative and I do believe in speaking truth IN LOVE. But sometimes I wonder what is the harm in showing up first with love and compassion and letting God, who sees what is hidden and revealed in every situation sort out the rest? Any thoughts?

Keep Dreaming!